My liver just broke up with me...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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