Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
