I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
