She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
