So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
