remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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