i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
