i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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