My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
that's an acceptable place to lick
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
