Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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