Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Let's get the cat blown out
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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