please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
