we have pet lesbian snakes
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize