So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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