quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
