did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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