no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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