she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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