You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
