My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
bring money and cleavage
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
