For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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