so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
