Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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