my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.