Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.