We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.