I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me