So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees