You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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