i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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