Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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