we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
