I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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