I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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