Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
