Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
send nudes
from the living room?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
