bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Come on in and take your pants off
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
