You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We had sex on a dog bed..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
