I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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