We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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