grandma shit on top of the toilet
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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