my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
