If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
