anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
