She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
