I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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