if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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