I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
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Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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