just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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