pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
