It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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