there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
a victory without nudity is not really a victory