yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Everything about him screamed your future.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.