how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So vagazzling was a success
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.