; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do vagina's smell?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you