I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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