fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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