she was so not down for the gang bang
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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