Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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