And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
