he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
