They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
